Hi.
I've decided to start the new year by being honest. And the first one on my list to be honest to is Carol T. For a long time we have called ourselves best friends, but for almost as long it has just been a title without meaning. Me and Carol are far from best friends.. we never hang out and we don't tell each other about our problems. So why the hell would we call each other best friends? Well I have been calling her my best friend for many reasons, 1. we have once been very close and she helped me out a lot earlier when I had problems and it felt natural I guess, 2. she called me her best friend and then I just felt like I had to do the same thing, 3. I guess I haven't had the guts to admit that we're not, 4. I'm afraid. I'm afraid of what might happen if I say that we're not, I'm afraid that there will be a fight and I'm afraid that maybe our friends will choose sides and that they won't choose mine. But I'm done. I'm done pretending and I'm done being afraid. Carol is many things and has done many things, but she doesn't deserve being fooled into believing we are something we're not.
It's time to have a hard conversation. I have plans tomorrow, but saturday is the big day. I'll ask her to hang out with me and we can sit down a quit place and talk, and I'm sure I'm not the only one feeling this way. I really want to work on our relationship, and I know it sounds like we're married or something but it's... I don't know. I just remember what we used to have and I do miss it, but we have just grown apart and we don't have that much in common any more. I'm sad that this might end.. but still it's relieving and I think it's for the best. I don't want to loose her, I just want to give her a wakeup call.
Sorry for the melodramatic post today, but this just entered my mind this evening, and I decided this was the right thing to do.
Love,
M.E<3
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